


the jar jar binks fan club

by evotter



Series: u got games on yo phone??? [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, High School AU, Muggle AU, Social Media AU, also hints of wolfstar but not enough to tag them as a relationship, its james's birthday ladies and gentlemen!!!! he has great friends!!!!!, pretty dang hilarious if u ask me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 15:21:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17511041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evotter/pseuds/evotter
Summary: Lily Evans: also why is this chat named the jar jar binks fan clubSirius Black: bc prongs hates jar jar binksSirius Black: so if he sees this on any of our phonesSirius Black: he will steer clear™





	the jar jar binks fan club

**Author's Note:**

> i just keep spitting these out huh?
> 
> (this is the last one for a while. promise.)

_Remus Lupin_ to _jar jar binks fan club:_ Hello everyone

 _Marlene McKinnon:_ What the fuck is this group chat

 _Sirius Black:_ as all of you must know

 _Sirius Black:_ our lovely boy prongs is turning 18 next month

 _Mary Macdonald:_ ooookay

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ we r throwing him a party, obvs, bc we r excellent friends

 _Sirius Black:_ and this is the official planning committee

 _Marlene McKinnon:_ I have several questions

 _Sirius Black:_ not allowed

 _Marlene McKinnon:_ Why are we planning this party a month in advance

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ its his 18TH, mckinnon

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ hes Growing up

 _Marlene McKinnon:_ He’s the youngest of all of us

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ EXACTLY

 _Remus Lupin:_ Go big or go home, Marlene

 _Marlene McKinnon:_ OK I’m going home then

 _Sirius Black:_ NO

 _Sirius Black:_ listen obvs its gonna take a lot bc we are Not the greatest at party planning but u 2 are

 _SIrius Black:_ so we need ur help

 _Marlene McKinnon:_ Hold on, let me screenshot and frame that

 _Marlene McKinnon:_ Sirius Black WILLINGLY admitting he needs our help???

 _Mary Macdonald:_ the world has ended

 _Sirius Black:_ shut up

 _Mary Macdonald:_ and obvs we are amazing party planners but lily isnt

 _Mary Macdonald:_ so why exactly is she in this chat

 _Sirius Black:_ ouch roasting ur bff like that

 _Mary Macdonald:_ u act like u dont roast the shit out of remus every 5 seconds

 _Mary Macdonald:_ she also never checks her messages

 _Lily Evans:_ i take full offense to that

 _Lily Evans:_ i just choose to ignore ur texts mary bc for the most part theyre full of shit

 _Lily Evans:_ also??? jem and i are friends u fuck

 _Marlene McKinnon:_ Ooooh he’s Jem now, is he?

 _Sirius Black:_ ~jem~

 _Lily Evans:_ i will not be shamed in this group chat full of idiots

 _Lily Evans:_ also why the fuck is this chat named the jar jar binks fan club

 _Sirius Black:_ bc prongs hates jar jar binks

 _Sirius Black:_ so if he sees this on any of our phones

 _Sirius Black:_ he will steer clear™

 _Sirius Black:_ but Also evans

 _Sirius Black:_ mary is not wrong when she says ur a shit party planner

 _Lily Evans:_ i know where u sleep

 _Remus Lupin:_ What Sirius MEANS

 _Remus Lupin:_ Is that when we meet to discuss certain party aspects, we need someone to hang out with James

 _Remus Lupin:_ And you’re the only person he’ll hang out with other than us, pretty much

 _Remus Lupin:_ And he’s easy to distract if you’re the distraction

 _Sirius Black:_ ~jem~

 _Lily Evans:_ i will kill u sirius black

 _Sirius Black:_ fine just dont hurt my face

 _Lily Evans:_ but fine, i’m in, whenever u need me to i’ll drag james out places

 _Lily Evans:_ however i wont lie to him

 _Lily Evans:_ i don’t lie to him

 _Sirius Black:_ if u kiss him i will kill u

 _Lily Evans:_ ???? we’re just friends

 _Mary Macdonald:_ ~jem~

 _Lily Evans_ : ur all dead to me

 _Lily Evans_ : except for remus i Love remus

 _Remus Lupin_ : Love u too

 _Lily Evans_ : xoxoxoxo

 _Sirius Black_ : anyway, let’s plan to meet at fortescue’s on saturday? can u hang out with james somewhere, evans?

 _Lily Evans_ : sure

\---

 _Lily Evans_ to _James Potter:_ hey youngster

 _Lily Evans:_ wanna hang out saturday

 _James Potter:_ hi bully

 _James Potter:_ sure, would love to

 _James Potter:_ fortescues?

 _Lily Evans:_ ur obsession with ice cream is astounding

 _Lily Evans:_ but no i want pizza

 _Lily Evans:_ and then i wanna play with ur cat

 _James Potter:_ algernon gets ur attention more than i do

 _Lily Evans:_ if u were more like algernon maybe i’d give u more attention

 _James Potter:_ evans are u trying to tell me ur a furry

 _Lily Evans:_ i literally hate u and the answer is Definitely Not

 _Lily Evans:_ i hope he bites u in the next 5 minutes

 _James Potter:_ thats cruel and he would never

 _James Potter:_ fuck nvm he just bit me

 _Lily Evans:_ kiss him for me

 _James Potter:_ absolutely not

 _James Potter:_ hell snap my nose off

 _Lily Evans:_ maybe u’d look better

 _James Potter:_ thats really funny, evans

 _James Potter:_ u are impeccably witty

 _Lily Evans:_ wow big words, very fancy

 _Lily Evans:_ so saturday? 12? pizza?

 _James Potter:_ done

 _James Potter:_ why dont u come round here, we can order in and watch a movie or two

 _James Potter:_ ill kick sirius out so u dont have to listen to his whining

 _Lily Evans:_ u sure know how to woo a girl, potter

\---

 _Remus Lupin_ to _Sirius Black:_ So are we betting on Prongs and Lily

 _Sirius Black:_ duh

 _Remus Lupin:_ I say at the party

 _Sirius Black:_ i say b4. marley thinks after, for some weird reason, dunno why

 _Sirius Black:_ tbh u know how bad their sexual tension already is i dont think theyll last a month

 _Remus Lupin:_ Since when do u call her Marley

 _Remus Lupin:_ Didn’t even think she liked that nickname

 _Sirius Black:_ nah, she doesnt

 _Sirius Black:_ i call her that anyway tho

 _Sirius Black:_ y

 _Sirius Black:_ jealous, moons?

 _Remus Lupin:_ U wish

 _Remus Lupin:_ Also, u don’t have any money to give me when u lose this bet

 _Sirius Black:_ bold of you to assume i wont have the money by then

 _Sirius Black:_ which i wont bc i know i’ll win this bet

 _Remus Lupin:_ Wrong

 _Sirius Black:_ ill punch u

 _Remus Lupin:_ U have been threatening to punch me for the last 13 years

 _Remus Lupin:_ Empty threats, Black

 _Sirius Black:_ i hate u

 _Remus Lupin:_ Hate u back

\---

 _Marlene McKinnon_ to _jar jar binks fan club:_ OK so here’s what we figured out????

 _Marlene McKinnon:_ We’ll have it at mine, the weekend after his birthday

 _Marlene McKinnon:_ Sirius and I are in charge of booze

 _Marlene McKinnon:_ Peter and Mary are in charge of decorations

 _Marlene McKinnon:_ Remus has handling food

 _Marlene McKinnon:_ And Lily is on James duty

 _Lily Evans:_ why am i not surprised

 _Mary Macdonald:_ are you complaining???

 _Lily Evans:_ no

 _Marlene McKinnon:_ We just have to figure out the guest list

 _Lily Evans:_ jem isnt gonna want people there that he doesnt really know

 _Sirius Black:_ yeah but he pretty much knows everybody

 _Lily Evans:_ so how many ppl are u thinking ??

 _Mary Macdonald:_ idk? 20??

 _Sirius Black:_ itll be us 6, james

 _Sirius Black:_ alice and frank

 _Sirius Black:_ dorcas, emme, beatrice

 _Sirius Black:_ fenwick

 _Lily Evans:_ GOD fenwick

 _Sirius Black:_??? whats ur deal with benjy

 _Lily Evans:_ i just hate him

 _Sirius Black:_ good thing its not ur bday then

 _Sirius Black:_ so far thats 13 ppl so who else are we friends with that we can actually tolerate

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ the prewetts?? james gets along with fabian really well

 _Sirius Black:_ o true, molly just had a baby tho so she and arthur would be out, but i can text gideon

 _Remus Lupin:_ Shacklebolt?

 _Sirius Black:_ yea sure

 _Lily Evans:_ algernon has to be there

 _Sirius Black:_ what is ur strange obsession with that cat

 _Lily Evans:_ hes the best cat in the world ok

 _Lily Evans:_ and james will appreciate his cat being there

 _Sirius Black:_ algy will spend the night cuddling u and hissing at james

 _Lily Evans:_ ur point??

 _Mary Macdonald:_ so 16 people and 1 cat

 _Mary Macdonald:_ that’s probably fine?

 _Mary Macdonald:_ if we think of anyone else we can add them

 _Sirius Black:_ lit

 _Sirius Black:_ hows ur date with ~jem~ evans

 _Lily Evans:_ i am going to murder u

 _Lily Evans:_ its not a date

 _Lily Evans:_ and i am currently cuddling with algernon

\---

 _James Potter_ to _dum bitchez:_ evans has been here for like 6 hours

 _James Potter:_ and she hasnt let go of algernon the whole time

 _James Potter:_ i think he loves her more than he loves anyone else i am Not That Shocked or Offended

 _James Potter:_ where are u assholes anyway

 _Sirius Black:_ im hanging out with moony

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ family shit

 _James Potter:_ huh ok

\---

 _James Potter_ to _happy birthday sunny:_ hello everyone

 _James Potter:_ as u all know

 _James Potter:_ remus’s birthday is in a week

 _James Potter:_ so this is the official invitation group chat

 _James Potter:_ were hanging out at mine the saturday after at 6pm

 _James Potter:_ my parents are buying booze and i figure we just order pizza

 _James Potter:_ and if someone can buy a cake thatd be great

 _James Potter:_ so just let me know if u can go

 _Remus Lupin:_ That is the worst group chat name ever

 _Remus Lupin:_ I can’t go

 _James Potter:_ im gonna kill u

 _Lily Evans:_ my fav!!!!! im in love u remus

 _Remus Lupin:_ Love u Lily

\---

 _James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_ what am i chopped liver

 _Lily Evans:_ dont b ridiculous

 _Lily Evans:_ ur chopped cat food

 _James Potter:_ i am so offended right now

 _Lily Evans:_ we on for friday

 _James Potter:_ duh

\---

 _Remus Lupin_ to _James Potter:_ Thank u for the party tonight

 _Remus Lupin:_ It was really fun

 _Remus Lupin:_ Thank u for planning it all out, u guys are all amazing

 _James Potter:_ ofc dude, ur our best friend

 _James Potter:_ hope ur 18th was the best bday yet

 _James Potter:_ but it wasnt rly me

 _James Potter:_ it was mostly sirius

\---

 _Remus Lupin_ to _Lily Evans:_ It is a possibility that I might be into Sirius a little bit

 _Remus Lupin:_ And James keeps hinting at him liking me back???

 _Remus Lupin_ : Idk

\---

 _Lily Evans_ to _James Potter:_ u really shouldnt egg them on if u dont know how they feel about each other

 _James Potter:_ im not fucking doing that

 _Lily Evans:_ dont be a dick potter

 _James Potter:_ theyre my friends i just want them to be happy

 _Lily Evans:_ ok but let them figure that shit out for themselves why dont u

 _Lily Evans:_ bc u might fuck things up if u keep going at it like this

 _James Potter:_ i didnt ask ur opinion on this

 _Lily Evans:_ idk why u have an attitude about this???

 _Lily Evans:_ if theyre ur friends and u care about them u should know that prodding around with their feelings is not cool

 _James Potter:_ exactly

 _James Potter:_ theyre my friends

 _James Potter:_ and this isnt ur business so stay the fuck out of it

 _Lily Evans:_ fine

 _Lily Evans:_ do whatever the fuck u want

 _Lily Evans:_ i dont care

\---

 _Lily Evans_ to _jar jar binks fan club:_ somebody else is hanging out with james this week im not fucking doing it

\---

 _James Potter_ to _Sirius Black:_ are u free tonight

 _Sirius Black:_ i can be

 _Sirius Black:_ are u ok??

 _James Potter:_ had a really shit day

 _James Potter:_ and i just made it worse

 _James Potter:_ i need to talk to u

 _Sirius Black:_ ok ill be home soon

\---

 _Sirius Black_ to _Remus Lupin:_ can we raincheck

 _Sirius Black:_ somethings going on with prongs

 _Remus Lupin:_ Yea ofc

 _Remus Lupin:_ Has something to do with Lily probs ??

 _Sirius Black:_ thats my guess

 _Remus Lupin:_ I’ll talk to her about it

\---

 _Remus Lupin_ to _Lily Evans:_ What’s ur deal?

 _Lily Evans:_ james is just being an asshole

 _Remus Lupin:_ I mean he always is

 _Remus Lupin:_ But what happened

 _Lily Evans:_ he just kept telling me about how he was trying to put the 2 of u together

 _Lily Evans:_ but he doesnt know how either of u feel about each other

 _Lily Evans:_ so i told him off

 _Lily Evans:_ bc i know how u feel about sirius and i dont want u to get hurt

 _Remus Lupin:_ Lily u do not have to do that for me

 _Lily Evans:_ im not letting u get hurt???? of course i have to do this for u

 _Remus Lupin:_ I really appreciate that, u know

 _Lily Evans:_ remus at this point honestly there isnt anything i wouldnt do for u

 _Lily Evans:_ and obv i am aware that james is just trying to be a good friend

 _Lily Evans:_ but having feelings for someone is a big deal and getting teased about it is Not Cool

 _Remus Lupin:_ Seems like u speak from experience huh?

 _Lily Evans:_ do i have to re-explain the ~jem~ incident

 _Remus Lupin:_ No of course not

 _Lily Evans:_ and im not saying sirius doesnt like u

 _Lily Evans:_ i dont talk to him so i dont know, obv

 _Lily Evans:_ i just dont want jem to tease u about it because i know it sucks

 _Remus Lupin:_ Well thank u

 _Remus Lupin:_ I really appreciate it

 _Lily Evans:_ of course

 _Lily Evans:_ always

 _Remus Lupin:_ So are u gonna talk to James

 _Lily Evans:_ no

 _Lily Evans:_ honestly maybe i was wrong to be a bitch in the beginning but then he was just rude to me

 _Lily Evans:_ and im really just going to use this time to get over him

 _Lily Evans:_ bc liking someone who doesnt like u back is absolutely hopeless

 _Remus Lupin_ : Ur absolutely daft if u don’t think James likes u

 _Lily Evans:_ i must be absolutely daft then

\---

 _Lily Evans_ to _spice girls:_ lol ran into james

 _Lily Evans:_ we fucking snapped at each other for 5 minutes

 _Lily Evans:_ what the fuck happened to us

 _Marlene McKinnon:_ I’m so sorry honey

 _Mary Macdonald:_ cant u try just apologizing?

 _Lily Evans:_ im not the only one in the wrong

 _Lily Evans:_ i was just trying to be a good friend by telling him how i felt

 _Lily Evans:_ and he just got really fucking defensive about it

 _Marlene McKinnon:_ But you know how much pride he has

 _Marlene McKinnon:_ James isn’t going to apologize until you do it first

 _Lily Evans:_ im not going to apologize

 _Lily Evans:_ im tired of playing this back and forth game

 _Mary Macdonald:_ ill ask him to hang out with me on tuesday, then

 _Mary Macdonald:_ but lily

 _Mary Macdonald:_ the party is friday night

 _Mary Macdonald:_ and his birthday is literally tomorrow

 _Mary Macdonald:_ please just try to get ur heads out of ur asses

 _Lily Evans:_ tell that to potter

\---

 _Sirius Black_ to _James Potter:_ get ur head out of ur ass

 _James Potter:_ kindly fuck off

\---

 _Lily Evans_ to _James Potter:_ happy birthday

 _Lily Evans:_ i hope u have a really good day

\---

 _Remus Lupin_ to _jar jar binks fan club:_ OK is everyone on their way??

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ im at marlene’s already with alice and frank, emme, bea, and dorcas

 _Sirius Black:_ marlene and i are 5 mins away with the booze

 _Remus Lupin_ : Good

 _Remus Lupin:_ Everyone else should be on their way

 _Remus Lupin:_ I’m about to leave with James

 _Lily Evans:_ have fun im not going

\---

 _Sirius Black_ to _Lily Evans:_ ok normally i dont get involved in this shit

 _Sirius Black:_ but dont be an idiot evans

 _Sirius Black:_ james is just as stubborn as u are and thats why neither of you have spoken to the other in 2 weeks

 _Sirius Black:_ and its annoying as shit

 _Sirius Black:_ but dont not show up to his party bc u 2 are fighting

 _Sirius Black:_ he’ll be glad that ur there

 _Sirius Black:_ he’ll be really hurt if ur not

 _Sirius Black:_ and u can leave me on read all u fucking want but i know im right and so do u

\---

 _Remus Lupin_ to _jar jar binks fan club:_ pulling in the driveway now

 _Sirius Black:_ OK

\---

 _James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_ so when we were hanging out all those times this past month

 _James Potter:_ was that just u distracting me

 _James Potter:_ did they put u on ‘james duty’ or something else shitty

 _Lily Evans:_ believe it or not i actually like hanging out with u

 _Lily Evans:_ and only 2 of the times we hung out was when they were planning shit

 _Lily Evans:_ why are u always assuming the worst

 _James Potter:_ thats just who i am i guess

 _Lily Evans:_ no

 _Lily Evans:_ its not

 _Lily Evans:_ for the record, sorry. about being an asshole. i know they’re ur friends but really, it sucks to be poked and prodded at about a crush who doesn’t like u back. not that u’d know how that feels

 _James Potter:_ i??? do know how that feels

 _James Potter:_ do u know how that feels??

 _Lily Evans:_ well yea

 _Lily Evans:_ thats why i got defensive about it

 _Lily Evans:_ bc ppl have been teasing me about my crush on u and im sick of it

 _James Potter:_ ur crush

 _James Potter:_ on

 _James Potter:_ where are u

 _Lily Evans:_ marlenes bedroom

 _James Potter:_ come to the kitchen

 _Lily Evans:_ why

 _James Potter:_ bc i want to kiss u and marlene will kill us if i kiss u in her bedroom

 _Lily Evans:_ ur absolutely joking

 _James Potter:_ i am not

 _James Potter:_ i am 1000000% serious

 _Lily Evans:_ i thought u were james

 _James Potter:_ are u coming downstairs or no

 _Lily Evans:_ im literally just outside the kitchen door keep ur pants on

\---

 _Remus Lupin_ to _Sirius Black:_ Just walked in on James and Lily in the kitchen

 _Remus Lupin:_ Pay up asshole

 _Sirius Black:_ i have 0 money

 _Remus Lupin:_ I can think of a couple things u can give me instead of money

\---

 _James Potter:_ u know technically this makes u a cougar

 _Lily Evans:_ ive always wanted to be

 _James Potter:_ either thats just u wanting to date a younger guy or thats a sweet comment about how u’ve liked me for a long time

 _James Potter:_ either way u r a woman after my own heart

 _Lily Evans:_ dont b ridiculous i am solely into u bc ur a younger guy

 _James Potter:_ less of a woman after my own heart

 _Lily Evans:_ also bc u are incredibly fit

 _James Potter:_ are u coming over or what

 _Lily Evans:_ getting fortescues rn

 _James Potter:_ holy hell i am very into u

 _Lily Evans:_ say it to my face u coward

 _James Potter:_ i intend to

**Author's Note:**

> i really don't have much to say about this one. i tried to write this WAY back but it was almost 20 pages and then i deleted the whole document. after i got my social media voice back, i decided to rewrite this but make it shorter and less serious, y'know? 
> 
> hope u enjoyed. check out my other social media fics if this is ur first one! or, check out any other stuff i've written i promise i do more than just shitty social media fics lol


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